Music Crit Referent Decoder Ring

Referents:

Oneohtrix Point Never- Ambient/New age music with arpeggios
Giorgio Moroder- Beat music with arpeggios
Real Techno- Trying to sound like the Belleville Three
John Carpenter- Eerie synth whole notes
Goblin- Cool way of hyping prog
Fabio Frizzi- You've never heard more than one of his scores, so this can stand in for anything spooky sounding
Basic Channel- deep bass, house music, few changes, contains an artist who has a limited edition collaboration with a well-established artist that is a live recording of a one-off show in an art-installation setting
DJ Screw- this record contains either pitch-shifted voices or BPMs below 85
Industrial- gated reverb, feedback-laced snares
EDM- this reviewer primarily covers indie rock
Dubstep (in a pop music review)- 80 bpm hip-hop beats
Dubstep (in an indie review)- everything that's wrong with modern music
Dubstep (in an electronic review)- trying to sound like ideas exhausted circa 2005 (obsolete)
Post-Rock- Noodly guitars,dramatic chord changes and epic builds
Raw- Lo-fi
Hypnagogic- Lo-fi or sampled lo-fi
Drum N' Bass- Mostly techstep for people who weren't there the first time around
Record Store Day- 500 copies of limited edition vinyl copy of some major label record no one wants on vinyl, immediately sold out small press run of innovative new artist whose discography you gulp up
Best Album Since- This artist will never make good music again
Hermeneutics- You are reading a Tiny Mix Tapes review
Four-to-the-Floor- Rhythmically boring
As Good at Home as In the Club- Man, it's been a long time since I've been to a good dance night.  Does anybody know what kind of club would play things like this?  Oh, is that around here?  No, it's somewhere in Germany?  And if you're over 28 and not incredibly fit you'll look pathetic in there? Ah, I see. Online music criticism it is then.



and so on...